Bad temper...

Today was not a great day.. one of the worst I would say.. One of my weakness took control over me.. my anger.. Had a major fight with my best friend.. an absolutely meaningless fight..

I don't know where its going to take me at this rate... Lot of relationships getting spoilt because this, leaving me all alone.. I am not able to stand this sudden loneliness. I need some support.. someone who cares me, loves me, accepts me the way I am..

I am not able to predict what I will do next. I am trying to control my anger. The only way I am able to handle is by keeping quiet. I am able to do it with people not so close to me or people who don't know me so well. But with people who really mean a lot to me, I am not able to keep quiet. I have become so intolerable for them.

My head feels like its going to blast. I don't know what I need to do. I want to be relaxed for some time. I was in this state just before I left from Bangalore.. I used to think it was because I was frustrated with the work. When I came here, it was a much needed change of environment for me. But now as soon as I got settled down, I am back to the same state. I have been trying to understand what my problem is, but not able to find it out..

I wonder at times whether I have some psychic problem or not.. other wise why would some one be like this... or maybe depression.. I was seriously thinking of taking professional help, but the same old ego or consciousness does not allow me to do it.

Earlier people who are not so close to me wouldn't recognise this state of mine, cos I know how to act so well and talk to them. Only people who knew me well were able to understand. Right now, its spreading to everyone. My mind, thoughts, words, actions are not staying in my control.

Its going to be almost 3 months since I have talked or mailed my close friends. I just don't feel like doing it. I have not even sent a mail or replied to their mails either.. Loneliness is what is haunting me right now.

I am really sorry to all those whom I have hurt with my anger. Please give me another chance...